When does discipline become abuse?
Punishment is meant to instill fear rather than to educate the child. Caretaker, whether a parent, guardian or school official, loses control. Action is inappropriate for the child's age. Action results from a caretaker's unreasonable demands or expectations for the child.
Discipline Becomes Abuse
When the laws are on the side of the child, the definition of abuse usually involves the willful and intentional harm to the youth that could lead to physical, mental, emotional or sexual injury.
Discipline, therefore, is all about teaching rules and regulations to kids and following up on the consequences. Abuse on the other hand is when you cross limits to get your way, hurt someone so much that it leads to severe physical, psychological or emotional damage.
“When a child doesn't seem to care about discipline, it means there is a mismatch between the reason the child is being punished and the punishment that was given,” says Campbell. “Often, parents think that isolating the child by sending them to their room will be effective.
- Give choices. A choice gives some control back to the child on the parents' terms. ...
- Take a timeout. ...
- Get someone else involved. ...
- Teach them what you expect. ...
- Recognize their positive behaviors. ...
- Timeout. ...
- Consequence. ...
- Pick your battles.
Discipline is probably excessive if:
Punishment is meant to instill fear rather than to educate the child. Caretaker, whether a parent, guardian or school official, loses control. Action is inappropriate for the child's age. Action results from a caretaker's unreasonable demands or expectations for the child.
Discipline allows kids to be able to set, and achieve, goals better. Self-control is positively related to affective management of goal conflict. That means that even when problems and obstacles arise, a disciplined person can get through it and reach their goals — with higher rates of fulfillment after.
Spanking, berating, ridiculing — a toxic parent may label such tactics “discipline.” Their children might fear them, resent them, or feel utterly worthless, yet a toxic parent often won't care or really see the problem.
Some examples of inappropriate discipline:
Unreasonable restraining. Consistently moving a child to other spaces away from play areas. Yelling, belittling or humiliating. Dragging a child. Verbally or physically threatening.
Research shows that spanking, slapping and other forms of physical punishment don't work well to correct a child's behavior. The same holds true for yelling at or shaming a child. Beyond being ineffective, harsh physical and verbal punishments can also damage a child's long-term physical and mental health.
Why does my child only respond to yelling?
They've been trained to.
If your child won't listen it's because they have been trained that their parents don't really mean what they says unless they're yelling. So they tune you out or don't act until you get frustrated enough that you start yelling.
Disrespect from children and teens can be shown in a variety of ways - the most common being backtalk, complaining, arguing, attitude, or just plain ignoring.

For these reasons, experts do not recommend spanking. Other ways to discipline kids effectively include using timeouts, loss of privileges, modeling appropriate behavior (like self-control), and helping kids understand the connection between actions and consequences. Timeouts are helpful for kids and their parents.
The Three Types: Preventive Discipline -- measures taken to preempt misbehavior by keeping students engaged. Supportive Discipline -- measures taken to assist students with self-control by helping them get back on task. Corrective Discipline -- measures taken when students are not following classroom or school rules.
A Word About Spanking
Here are some reasons why experts discourage spanking: Spanking teaches kids that it's OK to hit when they're angry. Spanking can physically harm children. Rather than teaching kids how to change their behavior, spanking makes them fearful of their parents and teaches them to avoid getting caught.
If yelling at children is not a good thing, yelling that comes with verbal putdowns and insults can be qualified as emotional abuse. It's been shown to have long-term effects, like anxiety, low self-esteem, and increased aggression.
Too much negative discipline, and not enough praise and rewards, might get children behaving well, but out of fear. This can lead to problems with children's self-esteem and anxiety later in life. Discipline works best when it's firm but fair.
Parents may be liable for the negligent or criminal acts of their children, beginning when children are eight to ten and ending at the age of majority. This means parents can be subject to lawsuits or criminal sanctions if their children commit crimes or cause injuries or property damage to a third party.
A fair discipline process is based on three pillars: rules and regulations, a system of progressive penalties, and an appeals process.
Essentially, true discipline means using will in the service of truth. It is the merging of will and truth. It means that the will of Essence is in the service of the truth of Essence. It means you don't use your will in the service of personality. This may vary from one person to another.
What God says about discipline?
Proverbs 29:17 has this to say to parents: “Discipline your child and he/she will give you rest; he/she will give you delight to your heart.” A Scripture, from Proverbs 13:24, reads thusly: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
The four behaviours are Blaming, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. Relationship expert Dr John Gottman termed these "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" as they spell disaster for any personal or professional relationship.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Coercive parenting is using harsh parental behavior such as hitting, yelling, scolding, threatening, rejecting, and psychological control to enforce compliance with the child. These parents also use frequent negative commands, name-calling, overt expressions of anger, and physical aggression.
Wrongful discipline is a type of employment-related claim alleging that either (1) an employee was disciplined for an infraction that did not occur, or (2) if the employee did commit the infraction, the discipline meted out for the infraction was excessive.
Harsh verbal discipline happens when parents use psychological force to cause a child to experience emotional pain or discomfort in an effort to correct or control behavior. It can vary in severity from yelling and shouting at a child to insulting and using words to humiliate.
They will lack self-control. They will not have social skills that are important for making friends such as empathy, patience, and knowing how to share. They will not know what is appropriate behavior. They will not respect their parents or other authority figures.
Negative punishment is taking something pleasurable away to decrease the behavior. An example of negative punishment is taking away a toy if your child hits their sibling with it.
Causes of discipline problems include a lack of interest in the program, anger, worry, fear, shame, embarrassment, or frustration relating to a physical impairment or learning disability. Effective planning for classroom instruction can help decrease discipline problems.
Undisciplined Juvenile: A juvenile who is at least 6 but less than 18 may be adjudicated as undisciplined if the juvenile is regularly disobedient to his or her parent or guardian, regularly found in places where it is unlawful for a juvenile to be, or has run away from home for more than 24 hours.
Where does discipline starts?
Discipline starts in the home, so hold the parents responsible for poor behavior in the classroom and do not expect teachers to do the parents' job. They are educators.
Having an unhealthy body and mind
A weak state of mind also contributes to why you lack self-discipline. Not having enough willpower and motivation can drop your discipline. Engaging in negative emotions too much and pessimism can make your self-confidence falter and result in a lack of ambition.
The Company will normally adhere to the following progressive disciplinary process: As mentioned earlier, discipline generally follows a typical sequence of four steps: written verbal warning, written warning, suspension, and dismissal.
- Stage I: Encourage the right response.
- Stage II: The parents must give an order; but first, they must know what they will do if the kids don't respond.
- Stage III: For children who choose to defy their parents.
Never say or do anything before thinking if it will benefit someone or hurt them. The goal is to refrain from hurting others. Let those of us are without sin cast the first stone here.
Acceptable means of discipline include withdrawal or delay of privileges, consequences and time-out. Example: The child destroys toys. Instead of replacing these toys, let the child learn the logical consequences. Destroying toys will result in no toys to play with.
The root word of discipline is “disciple,” which comes from the Latin word discipulus meaning “student.” Most people believe a disciple is a “follower” (probably because of the religious context), but in reality it means student—as in, “one who studies.”
They will be willful, selfish, and generally unpleasant company. They will lack self-control. They will not have social skills that are important for making friends such as empathy, patience, and knowing how to share. They will not know what is appropriate behavior.
- Coaching Note (AKA Verbal Warning)
- Written Warning.
- Final Warning.
- Decision Day/Suspension.
- Separation.
In a great book, Positive Discipline, author Jane Nelsen offers guidelines for using consequences, which she calls the Four R's of consequences: reveal, related, respectful and reasonable.
What are the five pillars of discipline?
The five pillars of self-discipline are: Acceptance, Willpower, Hard Work, Industry, and Persistence. If you take the first letter of each word, you get the acronym “A WHIP” — a convenient way to remember them, since many people associate self-discipline with whipping themselves into shape.
Most of us know the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That foundation definitely applies to child discipline. The best part is that using the golden rule doesn't lessen the effectiveness of the discipline, but it does strengthen your relationship with your child.
Self Discipline.
This is the highest order of all disciplines because it springs from the values you use to regulate and control your actions.
A fair disciplinary procedure should generally include the five following steps: An investigation into any allegations. A written communication to the employee setting out the issue(s) A hearing to discuss the issue(s) A disciplinary decision.
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